no fear*

"If you knew no fear, what things would you attempt to do?"

Do I have fears? Plenty. I'm extremely afraid of spiders. I couldn't tell you why, but I am. In a different way I'm afraid of phones, or at least phone calls. I just find it unnerving to be talking on a phone, and I never call people I don't know. Even if it's just to order pizza. I shake when I talk in front of people, or even a tape recorder. These are the fears I can escape, ignore, avoid. There are plenty I live with everyday.

I have a fear of social isolation. Maybe it's because I've suffered that one, but even in all my independence, I can't be all alone. On the other end of the spectrum have a fear of being suffocated by someone. No, not in the sense that they're holding a pillow over my face, but the feeling like I'm cornered emotionally or into acting a certain way. When I start to feel crowded, even with friends I cool fast, and back away. But no worries, I'm a big girl and can usually deal just fine.

Fears don't rule me.

But what if I had no fears then what would I do? Well, there's lots I would try in a bold and daring way... Only then again, maybe I wouldn't. Not because of fear, but the lack of. Ever rode a roller coaster, or jumped from a high diving board, or just looked down from somewhere really high up? You know that feeling you get in your stomach, those flutters and butterflies? The way your hands shakes and your heart beats faster? That's fear, but it's also a thrill. You feel an accomplishment at the end, even if it's small.

I'm not afraid of planes, I take them, and I don't give them any second thought. I don't think about all the possibilties and consequences of all the things that could go wrong. If I have to take one, I get on, read a book, and get off. Big deal.

I admit that there are a lot of things I don't go out of my way do just because I don't need to prove that I can. There's no sense of accomplishment or experience in it for me. If I had no fear than wouldn't everything seem that way? Wouldn't that make me indifferent?

For all it would give me, I think no fear wouldn't make me a better person. Just different.

Instead of having no fear I'd rather have the guts to help me overcome my fears. Then ask me what I'd do.

Laura | 21:33